Saturday, May 8, 2010

My Daily Food Readings

So I often check Serious Eats and NY Mag maybe every day or one every two days. Its very... hypocritical of me.

I would occasionally see articles that say that "this place has the best" so and so. Or this restaurant has awesomely good food voted best by out taste testers.

I'm sorry but I'm beginning to think that these blogs are either selling out or have no taste.

Ny Mag:
1. David Chang
2. General Greene
3. The Vanderbilt

These guys have low rankings on yelp. Not only that but I think David Chang likes salt too much. Even my friend who drinks soysauce thinks his stuff is too salty.

Serious Eats
1. Little Red Hen for Best Cheesecake
2. Amy's Bread for Best Carrot Cake

I'm sorry but I'm tired of Two Little Red Hens getting rep in Red Velvet and Cheesecake. Its seriously not that good to me. but this is just one person's opinion. At least I want the hype turned down a bit. Just a bit.

As for amy's bread, I'm sure they have good bread and I have not tried their carrot cake yet, (though I am always willing to be proved right because if its actually good, then I'll be very happy.) However, Their red velvet had stellar rankings from multiple sources and as a foreigner that was so excited to try her first red velvet cupcake for the first time, theirs was a failure.

I'm just saying. Take things with a grain of salt and trust your instincts. I know what I like, but people can have different tastes. Just because people say certain restaurants are the best and its on a blog doesnt mean that they're not getting money from the place.

Final Presentation

I completely did not show my good side, and I feel ashamed. I was so frazzled. I was so busy worrying and making the new animatic, I didnt get to practice at all. =_=

And to top it all off, I got defensive over my work, almost aggressively. I'm very bad at this. I'm very bad at everything. I apologize. and I've embarrassed myself completely.

This has been an admittedly painful week on my ego. This must be my fault for focusing more on my design classes. But I've been feeling a lot of demotivation lately and that ball is moving fasting and getting bigger.

When I try to be honest about something, I fail and come out as an idiot. And most of the time when I do try at something, it usually comes out bad. This expectation to finish something great that will define you, or at least define you for that moment in life, is intense and apparently I cannot handle stress very well.

Its interesting because theres so many different kinds of stress I'm experiencing that happened since I started sophomore year. In the rest of my life, there wasnt that much stress, or rather, none at all.

I just had a bit of an epiphany

I love texture.

No no no no. wait.

Ok. When I think about movement, choreography, rhythm, juxtaposition, contrast, design, beauty and everything that I admire and love, it all translates into some sort of texture for me. Into something that can be felt physically as something tactile. Think of synesthesia but not really. My favorite pieces cause so much tension on the surface of my skin.

This is the man solely responsible of having me re-evaluate what I'm doing for senior project:


I'm completely getting amanda and the whole dance routine...
but with geometry.
<3! so awesome. 1:55 was the most orgasmic part for me. Though I feel like the flow of the whole piece can be a bit more streamlined into a super smooth arch. There were some parts I didnt get. There were some parts that I didnt like. However, on the most part, I think it was awesome and it did open an idea box for me. If I would make a piece like this, it would definitely be more minimalist. There wouldnt be god involved. And I would concentrate more on beauty, sensitivity, fragility, and chorepgraphy. and a lot of time remapping. a SHIT load of time remapping. you cant even imagine how much time remapping. and I love geometry. because I gave up on drawing a long time ago because my friend was way better than me and I easily got discouraged. (But for some reason, he can still draw better shapes than me. It bothers me.) I'm definitely a sucker for things that are well timed and beautifully choreographyed. and ones with so much expression and texture to the movement. However, I have yet to understand and master the ability and understanding of abstract narratives. What to do? I want to change major but without re-doing the curriculum. But lets imagine for example, if I would make a piece, what would it be about?

I guess it would be about isolation. My favorite topic and something that I've always been interested in expressing, is the feeling of just disappearing into a crowd of people.

To let the noise of the population around you consume your existence. It's all about becoming nothing. Returning into nothing.

I wonder why. I think its because... I dont want to be anywhere.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Robotics and Pre production

fuck the box. I aint doing it anymore. If I can, I would like to concentrate more on screen based things.

I would prefer torture from after effects than I would from electronics that I completely cannot comprehend.

Dilemmas

I keep trying to talk about my senior project and my thoughts on it, and then it becomes a personal thing-- too personal for me to post here, so I post it elsewhere. its kind of annoying. I feel like I cant post anything here.

I've re-done my animatic. I cant upload it because its in my external hard drive with a firewire cable on it because the USB cable broke.

I'm on my laptop which doesnt have firewire.

it kind of keeps changing. I really wonder how the compositing thing is working. I have a feeling that doing it in 3d would be kind of easier. Because of the subtleties I want to express.

and god knows I suck at handling a camera.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

What Have I Learned So Far

Pints of Ice Cream dont taste as appetizing as they sound like.

As for the Cube:

My thoughts are currently waning of interest. Maybe if I put it under a different context, I can salvage it.

So what I have to say about it for now:
Definitely I guess its more of a self portraiture. I’m egotistic that way. I end up making things saying everything I want to say and not saying more. And its hard for people to understand that because innately, I am a silent person. (This is true. I just “learned” how to talk to people when I began to live in america.) Talking with Peter (Patchen) was an enlightening experience and I appreciate him giving me incredible amounts of frustration (and I’d appreciate it more if I was given food). And I am one that easily gets discouraged.

Take for example my type class. My teachers questioned why I made such a move, I was eager to corrected it how they suited, and later they tried to defend my initial design.

As Rob said, I want people to tell me its okay.

Which is weird, because even if “its okay” (its not only Rob that says this, interestingly enough) and I can do whatever I really want, my perspective of this freedom is more like: I can do whatever I want and I wont be questioned for it.
and what is being given to me is not really that.

I do understand that discussion and argument over a piece gives it more depth and value, but I am a spoiled brat and I'm not very good at talking. I'm not very good at arguing either. It has something to do with my low self esteem (I cant stand by my opinion and believe what I think is right) and my horrible sense of memory (I dont remember what my opinion was exactly and I forget what I believed it again however, I often feel opposite about certain things.)

I personally dont think I'm fit for the real world. Theres nothing that I *really* want to do. Eating is a hobby I'm hooking myself into so that I can tolerate the rest of life and actually look forward to something (like my next meal). And art is entertaining. (Ooo, this might insult people.)

Though I do often sway between extremely clingy and extremely apathetic, I realized over time and age, to survive live in the world, you have to hold on to something. Whether that is your art, yourself, or your dreams, or some person or thing, you have to hold on to something and cling to it for dear life till the end of your days. Why? because if not, you'll just slip into nothingness. (ahh thesis...)

You will slip into the fact that you will die, you will deteriorate, you will watch and be watched by the world and by everything around you and the days will just continue. There is nothing to ground you. Nothing to make you cling into the moment of the world's sense of time, or overlap itself into venn diagrams of different contexts.

Like how atoms pop in and out of existence, you will pop in and out of existence with not memory or trace of yourself anywhere.

i do believe, though I have argued about this with Peter, that your are your work. You are not exactly our work but it is part of you. Everything you make would be a form of self portraiture. Your actions and your choices define you, whether it is something you intend to do or not intend to do, it adds to your story.

Well. Thats how I feel about that.

Moving on.

COMPOSITING PROJECT TWAH!

For some reason, the word disperse has been my favorite word since elementary. There is a difference with what I want from what is more commonly known of what I want.

I want to disappear. I dont want to die. But I want to be gone from the face of the earth. As if nobody knew me and nobody cared.

Though, it might be “emo” let me explain the reason of why I live: I live to repay my parents the amount of money that they spent on me my entire life so that I can leave without feeling debt. This discussion can go into length but think of it this way, think of a project that you’ve wasted so much time and money on and all the sudden it just crashed on you. Wouldnt you be pissed?

Back to my main point. Disperse. But more importantly, particles. (aha!) The other day, I had an amazing experience which is difficult to describe in words. But to give you a visual, I had a good moment of peace. A moment when all was right in the world and all I wanted to do was disappear in the moment.

My idea was of someone sleeping in the afternoon. and slowly their body disappears, not in a ghostly fashion but piece by piece. In beautiful days, in nice weather, when you just have to experience the air and do nothing, mentally, you just melt away.

And right now I would be talking more about this but I have to do other hw. ciao.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010