Why would one think my low self esteem has a play in this?
"The more I read, the more I meditate, the more I can affirm that I know nothing at all."
-Voltaire
"Only the shallow know themselves."
- Oscar Wilde
Which pisses me off because I prided myself as a shallow person.
I feel like the more i try to add meaning to the "nothingness" the bigger the void becomes. It was interesting because in my type class, my teacher was telling me to make a part of the project simple. However it bothered me because, I didnt want to look like I was slacking off by putting so little on the page.
as my friday was ticking away, I had to do hw but I dont want to do it, but I dont want to be unproductive so I started drawing hair-like lines on a sheet of paper. Though I admit, I edited this in PS a bit, i felt like... it was showing me a direction (such a gay ass statement).
because, though the scan of it looked horrible, the real one on the sheet looked as if it had much depth in it. there was something behind those hair like strands. As I was drawing these lines, there would be little pockets of space that for some reason, my hand couldnt draw on.
as if it was natural to leave that space and to not make a straight line.
Its interesting to think that, how geometry is taken from nature, I dont think there really is anything in the world that is a straight line, or a perfect circle.
It interestingly distorted.
You know how people have dreams? I usually dont remember my dreams. My dreams are never vivid or memorable ot anything interesting. But what happens to me that is often is that I get stuck between the waking realm and the sleeping realm. what i mean is that, i am awake but my body cannot move.
It seriously bothers me because there would be moments where I can feel something touch me or brush against me but I live in my studio alone. Seriously. It's so fucking creepy. And its been happening more often now (the past two years) than before.
But it is an interesting sensation. Like your fingertips are on the edge of something you are trying to each.
I dont think. I think thats the reason why I'm having such a hard time with concept. It has always been abstracted to a memory of impression. That is why I suck at telling stories. I can never tell it well because I barely remember it but I do remember finding the story funny or annoying.
Anyway. thats my two cents of the day. I have more to think about. Its spring break!
No comments:
Post a Comment