Thinking and Scheduling

I somehow got myself an small internship even though I wasnt planning on getting one. But I wanted to help the person out because she seemed in distress and I wanted to help her out.

My problem is that, I seem to not have enough time for one because my classes are all.. killing me one way or another. I just had some major digestive discomfort from my time class out of stress and panic.

ANYWAY.

I was happy to be helped by those who offer. The concept is developing slowly as I continue reading. However, readings that I have partialy digested I agree with, I dont want it to be too scattered.

But on the other hand, I am those types of people were I want everything mixed into this one thing so I dont have to deal with many different things. EXAMPLE: I would rather if my friends all knew each other so I wouldnt have to jump from different circles of friends to another.

I'm having problems on which perspective to use for my work: a cosmological, zen, metaphysical, art performance? etc etc?

I think I need to, to say in photoshop terms, start collapsing layers into each other and simplify even more.

Luibo sent me an interesting article on destruction. Though I do think that my piece seems to show that it focuses more on destruction, that is not the case. But I have a feeling Luibo likes things that destroy themselves and I think thats kinda awesome.

But what I've learned from that article is: "vandalism not as something entirely extraneous to the piece in question, but as a fulfilment of the work’s inner possibilities, or even as a way of bringing it back to life."

I definitely feel that this can go back to either nihilism, cosmology or zen. Or life in general. But it just goes back to the idea is nothing is an extension of being.

There is also my perspective as the third person in this whole scenario: "wtf?" I will admit, I am the type of person who would usually say "wtf, I dont get it. I cant believe this douchebag is getting a lot of money for something a middle schooler can do." This is my old way of thinking. And what is annoying about art is that sometimes, one can take douchbaggery approaches by responding to "such ignorant statements" by making it and calling it art to piss such people off and just shoving it in a museum. (take james jean and his twitter incident. and inside jokes on a piece called "lonely tuesday")

I'm sure that art historians can also call douchbaggery as an art concept. Hell. Anything is possible. *mixed feeings*

So the presentation is next week and I feel like I have screwed myself over in many ways since its midterms. I cant wait till spring break because my mother is coming and she'll just listen to me bitch the whole day and in the end, she'll be cleaver enough to find a way to snap me out of it either by physically slapping me or threatening me.

And I charge her large amounts of money by going to a fancy restaurant later and she'll slap me by doing so.

I digress.

Anyway, Simulacra and Simulation is an interesting idea (Thanks, Rob!). However I'm having difficulty grasping it. I think I get it but I'm not sure. Is it basically talking about the disappearance of the actual objects and what we deal is the representations of the actual objects?

I feel like that was my issue against creating something that was fully digital in the sense that we are slowly being immersed in a world where there is no actual tangibility. (screen display installations and such.)

As I talked to Carter Hodgkin, I felt envious of her because she can make her works as an intuitive response to something. Though it is enlightening to research about this topic, at the same time, it feels repetitive, not spontaneous/not organic and maybe with a slight pinch of pretentiousness to research about it and lecture people how to perceive it than have their interpretation of it.

On the other hand, one can enlighten the audience and do brain yoga as one explains it.

I love my ignorance, mind you.